Asocierea limbii engleze (limbajul formal în mediul corporatist) cu limbajul neaoş, de mahala, este criminală. Urmează un text cu limbaj explicit, inspirat – oarecum – de un articol al lui Raul.
To: All Romanian Speaking Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Romania that offensive language is commonly used by our Romanian speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff.
All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:
1. Words like futui, în pula mea, pula and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.
2. You will not say şi-a bagat pula when someone makes a mistake, or s-a căcat pe el if you see someone being reprehended, or băga-mi-aş when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb a se căca and a se fute are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.
3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred to as pulă de om, căcănaru’ or boul.
4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as pulălău nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as muiangiu.
5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be referred to as porcării.
6. Do not say futu-ţi mă-ta if somebody is persistent; do not add pula mea, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say am pus-o nor o să ne-o tragă when a matter becomes excessively complicated.
7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say du-te-n pula mea or should you ever substitute may I help you? with ce pula mea vrei?
8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners boşorogi împuţiţi.
9. Do not say ia mai duceţi-vă-n pula mea cu căcatu’ ăsta when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer futu-te-n cur when your assistance is required.
10. You should never call partner representatives as bou’ dracului or tâmpitu’ ăla.
11. The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as pizdulică bună, futăciosu’ or homalău’ lu’ peşte.
12. Last but not least, after reading this note, please do not say mă şterg la cur cu textul ăsta. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.
P.S. Mă gândesc că n-are rost să traduc. Mi se pare un text cât se poate de transparent…